Military Spouses Mental Health improved with community. But how?

As 2026 begins, I've been pondering something significant. As a military spouse who recently completed a PCS, we've been in our new location for about six months, and every Friday, I find myself asking, "When will I find a community?" Although my experience is personal, it resonates with my clients, colleagues, and friends who also lead the military lifestyle. As a therapist, research clearly shows that having a community leads to less depression, anxiety, and other emotions related to isolation. Many of you know I'm a problem solver, adept at identifying issues, brainstorming solutions, and boosting motivation to overcome them. That's the therapist mindset at work. So, I'm experimenting with a few strategies, and I invite you to join me in trying them out.

Initially, I am becoming part of communities that fit my lifestyle. For me, this started with a gym and then a church. Can you push yourself to join one community in your new area?

Yoga studios, art studios, coffee shops, book clubs, climbing gyms, child-related areas

Second, I've started introducing myself with a small smile and a nod. Yes, it's a bit awkward! When I'm paired up at the gym, I quickly say, "Hi, I’m Hailey!" instead of just giving a pleasant smile and moving on. When I pick up my kids from church childcare, I say thank you and introduce myself as Hailey. Oh, and I often visit Sprouts too. There, when the cashier asks, "How is your day?" I reply, "It's going—I'm Hailey, by the way. We come here a lot." Guess what? People have started using my name. I feel more connected.

Third, I am inviting people into my home. Yes, I know you might be saying-- to far. But for me it is authentically showing others who I am, and having just enough vulnerability to build a relationship. Dinner, desserts, and coffee are my go to. But if you feel called, a park, hike or coffee shop may be easier.

I am not saying things are fool proof, but I am saying you deserve to show up for yourself and get your needs met. So maybe you pick one thing and start today. Let me know how it goes!

As always, here for you and your growth!

Hailey Kohler, LCSW